From earliest childhood we learn to avoid pain.  As we grow, we engage in the natural instinct to block pain and suffering – especially in the West, where we learn to seek rational structures for our emotions and control them.

But grief after traumatic loss can’t be avoided, nor is it rational. We have no idea what to do with our pain, or even how to hurt.

If we look to the wisdom traditions of the East, we see that grief isn’t something to run from – it is the uncharted territory we need to explore.  As Alan Wolfelt has taught us, “grief lives in liminal space.” Liminal space is betwixt and between.  Grief takes us there, sadness lives there.

Grief has something important to teach us about love and life, about ourselves and who we are . . . and who we are becoming.  When we try to limit or control our grief or even make sense of it, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from it.

Grief is a natural, if unwelcome, part of life.  To become whole, we must experience and learn from this pain.  We must learn to survive it.

Of course, we should not and cannot do it alone. We know that the shared expression of grief is mourning…and mourning is healing. Mourning is probably also the best way to learn from our grief, especially about how we are transformed by it.  Mourning gives us companionship, compassion, and perspective. Grief allows us to encounter the love behind the pain and find gratitude.

We need to grieve and learn.

*Key concepts paraphrased from the writings of Richard Rohr and Dr. Alan Wolfelt