“Today…
I open my heart’s hand to allow…
the touch of hope.”
— Julia Cameron

Someone you love has died.  In your heart you have come to know your deepest
pain. Your grief has brought challenges that seem beyond your own capacity to
survive. Grief creates chaos, and your soul cries out.  You naturally experience a
sense of helplessness and, at times, you feel the depths of hopelessness. It all feels so
incredibly overwhelming.  And as you live in this painful place, you come to learn
that you must surrender to your grief, sit in your wound, and make space for your
lost self.

If your experience is in any way like my own and those of the thousands of
mourners I have had the honor to walk with and learn from, you are feeling
abandoned and alone right now.  You may instinctively be questioning the meaning
and purpose of life.  You recognize that so many things in your daily life have
changed ¾your plans, your dreams, your concerns, and your roles.  You may
discover yourself searching for a reason to go on living in the face of this loss and
asking countless “How?” and “Why” questions.

“How can this be happening?”
“How am I going to make it through this?”
“Why did this happen now, in this way?”
“Why am I feeling so lost?”

When we experience a loss—whether it is the death of someone loved, a divorce
loss, the loss of a job, or a significant change in health—loss reminds us of how little
control we really have over some things about life and living.  Naturally, these kinds
of losses (among many others) can leave us feeling incredibly powerless, seemingly
helpless, and deeply hopeless at times.

When we lose someone we love, it changes us.  The person who died was a part of
you and part of your life. This death means you must mourn a loss not only outside
yourself, but inside yourself as well.  At times, overwhelming sadness and loneliness
may be constant companions to you on this grief journey.  You may feel that when
this person died, part of you died with him or her. And now you are faced with
finding some sense of meaning at a time when you may be feeling empty and alone.

Your loneliness and emptiness are often present, even in the midst of family and
friends.  When others try to help by saying, “I know just how you feel,“ they usually
do not.  They cannot. They are not walking this walk for you.  Your pain, your
questions, your doubts, your fears are unique. No one can know exactly how this
feels for you.

While your grief is unique, some of the questions you may be asking are universal.
The fears, doubts and questions that come when we experience grief have been
with us since the beginning of our awareness that loss is part of the cycle of life.
Loss truly is an integral part of life.  You are asking questions that others before you
have raised. Questions that have been raised to God.  Questions that have been
asked about God. Like others who have been where you are, you may be feeling
distant from your God, perhaps even questioning the existence of God.  These kinds
of questions have been preserved in time because they belong to and are asked by
most everyone who experiences the pain of loss.

So, like your fellow travelers on this grief journey, you are faced with sitting in the
wound of your grief. When you sit in the wound of your grief, you surrender to it in
recognition that the only way to the other side of the pain and hopelessness is
through the pain and hopelessness.  You acknowledge that you are willing to do the
work that mourning requires. Paradoxically, it is in befriending your wound that
eventually you will restore your life and reinvest in living.

Loss of Your Divine Spark and the Role of Hope in Your Healing
People in grief often come to see me on the sacred grounds of the Center for Loss
and Life Transition. When they begin their grief journey, they often start by
expressing their sense of hopelessness by saying, “I feel so hopeless,” or, “I am not
sure I can go on living.”  Like you, the losses that have touched their lives have
naturally muted, if not extinguished, their divine spark.  Their divine spark is that
internal energy that gives meaning and purpose to life.  Your divine spark or life
force is the keeper of your mind, your body, and your soul.

I discovered some time ago that a central part of my helping role is to gently and
quietly bring Hope to those in grief.  Hope that encourages them to discover a
renewed divine spark and a desire to reenter life with meaning and purpose.  Each
and every one of us as humans has a divine spark. We are each the keeper of our
own spark or life force.  My personal life losses and my role as a caregiver to others
have taught me that hope is the vital ingredient that helps us reignite our divine
spark after loss breaks our hearts and touches our souls.

The more I reflected on the role of hope in healing from life losses, the more
compelled I was to write a user-friendly, easy-to-read book that would help
mourners invite hope into their lives.  This book of hope is anchored in reflections
and my favorite quotes on the role of hope in healing.  Because quotes often capture

the essence of certain life experience, I’ve included several throughout this book for
you to reflect on when you need to be reminded of the importance of hope.  This
book invites you to find and experience the hope that you will need to slowly, over
time, and with no reward for speed, mourn well so that you can go on to live well
and love well.  My wish for you is that these pages help you nurture your divine
spark back toward light and life.  This book, directed from my heart to your heart, is
an invitation to come out of the dark and into the light.

Each day you will discover several quotes to meditate on that, when read slowly and
thoughtfully, will help you befriend hope and rediscover meaning and purpose in
your life.  Review the reflections and quotes in this little book of comfort and hope
and embrace the ones that resonate with you. Then revisit them from time to time
as you take them into your heart.  When you find you are doubting yourself or your
journey, read the words that speak to you as a way of nurturing yourself back
toward life and living. These enduring and wise observations from some of the
world’s greatest hope-filled philosophers will help you to begin reprogramming
your attitude and your view of the world around you.

My hope is that you find this little book to be a gentle companion that gives you
wisdom and strength for today, tomorrow, and each day that follows.
My Prayer For You
May you continue to discover hope—an expectation of a good that is yet to be. May
you continue to find new ways to renew your divine spark and to believe that
meaning, purpose, and love will come back into your life.  No, you did not go in
search of this loss. But it has come to you, and you have discovered the importance
of sitting in your wound on the pathway to your healing.  If you give up, the essence
of who you are will die or be muted for the rest of your life.  Hope can and will keep
this from happening.

May you never give up and may you consciously choose life! May you turn your face
to the radiance of joy every day.  May you live in the continued awareness that you
are being cradled in love by a caring presence that never deserts you.  May you keep
your heart open wide and receptive to what life brings you, both happy and sad.
And may you walk a pathway to living your life fully and on purpose until you die.

Blessings to you as you befriend hope and choose to celebrate life. May your divine
spark shine brightly as you share your gifts and your love with the universe.

This article is excerpted from Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s book The Mourner’s Book of Hope: 30
Days of Inspiration, available www.centerforloss.com. Dr. Wolfelt is an internationally
noted author, teacher, and grief counselor. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss
and Life Transition and is an educational consultant to funeral homes, hospices,
hospitals, schools and a variety of community agencies across North America.