When we talk about learning to embrace the pain of our losses, I often fall back on the coin metaphor.

Love and the pain of loss are two sides of the same coin.  Those things which open us most to the pains of grief are rooted most deeply in love.  The objects which link us most powerfully to our loved ones are also most able to provoke the depths of our personal wilderness.

Of course both sides of a coin are exactly the same size.  None of us would ever willingly reduce the pain of our grief if it meant losing any of the love behind it.

And perhaps the most impactful part of the coin analogy:  learning the survival skill of dosing.  If we can hang on to the notion that our pain is a reflection of the depth of our love, perhaps we can learn to flip the coin when we’ve opened ourselves to our grief . . . deeply enough, for long enough . . . and dwell in the love behind it.

Learning to encounter the pain in limited doses makes it more bearable.  Dosing is all about learning when and how to flip the coin, and remembering how we flipped it last time.

Matthew Burg, current co-facilitator of our Men’s Group and a member of several past EricsHouse groups, suggested to the Fall, 2022 Men’s Group that we could design our own coin.  With the collaboration of the group, Matthew coordinated with a ‘Challenge Coin’ manufacturer to produce an EricsHouse coin.  It’s taken a while, but the results are beautiful. 

Two inches in diameter, these coins are substantial and tactile.  One side has the infinity heart, symbolizing eternal love.  It includes the phrases: “The only way past the pain is through it” and “You are not alone”.  The other side has a stylized representation of Melancholy, a sculpture created by Albert Gyorgy, and the phrase: “The Greater the Love, The Greater the Pain”.

Matthew has given us permission to use the EricsHouse coin as a fundraiser.  Please let us know if you would like one for yourself or someone else on their own grief journey. We are asking for a $20 contribution for the coins. If you are interested in a coin please email [email protected].