What exactly is self-care and why is it so important to our mourning process? Self-care is what you do to take care of yourself – mentally, physically, and spiritually. Just as life circumstances change the way we live our lives, so do the means of taking care of ourselves. That means, there is no “one size fits all.” During grief, we are already working hard to keep our heads above water, and we find that the things that used to work, perhaps don’t work for us anymore. During intense grief, we have special needs, and it is so important not to ignore them.

Research shows that there are many strategies you can adopt to help you no matter where you are in your journey.

Staying Connected 

Getting support from people you love and from those who bring you comfort is #1 on my list. Have those “faithful and trust-worhty” people in your life who allow you to authentically mourn – to be yourself with your grief. It sometimes seems that talking about our grief is beyond painful and so we sometimes tend to avoid it. Even with that obstacle, opening and about our emotions helps us feel understand rather alone and isolated.

Sharing With People Who Have Similar Losses

People who share similar losses may provide comfort because they can validate what you might be experiencing. Seeing how they have worked through their pain can give you good coping strategies and help you feel less alone. They are oftentimes free of judgment and can share a certain kinship with you which can be comforting. It is also fine to be honest about how you are feeling. When people ask, “how are you,” it is ok to let them know that you are having a bad day, thank them for their concern, and let them know how they can best reach out. Even better, let them know what you need. It helps them to know how they can best support you.

Being Gentle With Yourself

We have all experienced the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows of grief. When we become aware of those intense moments – those ugly “grief bursts” just know that that is our way of processing our pain. Remember that like waves in the ocean or the clouds in the sky, those moments will pass. Be kind to yourself when they happen and have confidence that with each step you take through this journey, you will be wiser and more confident.

Reframing Your Thoughts

As we become more familiar with our grief and mourning experiences, it is helpful not to let ourselves get “stuck” in our loss. Sometimes our belief structures from the past just don’t fit anymore. It helps to be honest about your thoughts and give yourself the freedom to change and grow. We can’t help but let our losses affect us but can learn so much about ourselves when we are honest and flexible with ourselves.

Reframing our thoughts is a helpful way to create healing momentum. Here are some common reframes:

• “I could have done something to prevent my child’s death” could be reframed by saying “Under the circumstances, I did everything I knew to do to protect, love, and nourish my child.”

 

• “This grief of losing my spouse is so hard I know I never will be able to heal” could be reframed by saying “I know this journey is hard, but I know that I can learn from my experience of loss and live more powerfully and authentically as I move forward.”

 

• “I thought I had everything under control so why did this happen” can be reframed to “I now realize that I am not in control and I can now live in the present moment aware and embracing of life.”

 

Setting Your Intention to Heal

When working with the many people who are supported by EricsHouse, I have learned that every person and every journey is different. We often talk about those “baby steps” that we need to take each day to support our healing. Take a healing challenge. Each day do one thing that gives you comfort. A walk in the woods, a workout, cooking comfort food, meditation, taking a shower, doing something that just gives you a sense of self-love and well-being. And know that you will heal, rise above the challenges of loss, and blossom into a new version of you!

May all the blessings you deserve be given to you in this new year!