For many of us, the holidays embody the past, present and future. In grief, we are drawn into the past – family connections, shared meals, and, I hope, the joys of the season. Times with our departed loved ones – when we were younger, less shaped by the world, closer to our divine spark selves. Even if we have to go all the way back to early childhood to get to that kind of purity, our stories of the holidays may be the richest, funniest, most heart-filled remembrances of our loved ones. There’s nothing at all wrong with remembering past holidays, we must say hello on the way to goodbye.

As loss survivors, we also talk about our grief journeys a lot, trying to figure out what healing, integration, and reconciliation might mean for each of us in the future.  Sometimes it’s difficult to muster hope that future holidays will include memories of past celebrations as well as new joys. As we do the work of mourning, elements of that future appear. We transform a bit at a time, giving us glimpses of who we might become in the wake of our losses.

However, I believe the essence of the journey metaphor lies in appreciation of the step we take in this moment. We live in the now, one step at a time. Perhaps the best indicator of our healing is the ability to savor the step we’re in the middle of, regardless of whether it feels forward, backward, or sideways. To quote Master Oogway, from Kung Fu Panda:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.

That’s why it’s called the present”.

I’m sure it speaks volumes about me that I derive much of my inspiration from favorite movies.This holiday season I hope you enjoy your present.